thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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