that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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