Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
