You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
