genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize