so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
