Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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