I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
