Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
