Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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