You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
