is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
