Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
