I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
