your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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