She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
