Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
