My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he fucked my hip out of place.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You are a genius and a whore.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
