You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I want a musical about memes.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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