Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
