can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
