I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
