i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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