I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
a search helicopter?!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
