i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
