Ambien. No doubt about it.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
