Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
