I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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