oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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