I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
