considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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