Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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