I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
