Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I looked at my own cervix.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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