take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
