Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
