I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
