So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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