What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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