worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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