You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
