I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
