There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
why do cheetos always look like penises
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
