the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
