Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
