He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
