I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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