lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
