We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
