i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
